


His True Face

by Lizphills500



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Hurt Loki, Loki Feels, M/M, Protective Steve, Protective Thor, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Steve Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 11:18:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4477280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizphills500/pseuds/Lizphills500
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Months after joining the Avengers, Loki is brutally attacked.  As he works through his recovery, he must try and forgive the innocent who hurt him.  Could there be a future for him and Steve or is the damage too deep?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is darker then my others so far. there is a rape, while not described in detail. if this is not for you please do not continue.

The room was filled with laugher as Loki had finally done what he had been promising to do for the last few weeks. He had managed to prank Clint. The Bowman had such keen senses that it was nearly impossible to get anything past him. After watching Tony trying to get one over on Clint for months, Loki had decided to take matters in to his own hands. It had been a simple enough trick, but had proven very effective as Clint now stood covered in a green slime. 

“Loki, you little….” He growled, before he shook his head and joined in the laugher. Everyone knew that Loki’s tricks were only good natured fun and sometimes the others joined in to try and out do him. Of course, Steve looked at these activities sternly, all the while trying to keep the smile off his face. Loki was sure it was Steve who had changed Thor’s ringtone to YMCA, but no one could prove it. Thor was bemused until Tony explained the alternative meaning and then he went red at the implications. 

The room settled down as Clint clapped Loki on the back before headed off to the shower. Loki looked around the room with a content feeling flowing through him. He could not help feeling thankful as his fate could have been so much worse.

 

His sentence for his crimes against Midgard had been a life of servitude to the Human race. Of course, Odin had intended it to be a life of suffering for the Trickster, probably undergoing SHIELD scientific experiments. Thor had other plans. Loki had finally told his brother everything that had happened after his fall from the bridge and the real extent of the dangers the Nine realms faced from Thanos. It was not good and Thor realised that they would need the help of as many strong beings as possible if they were ever going to defeat this new threat and Loki was one of the strongest magic users within the whole of the Nine Realms. So instead of handing Loki over to Fury, Thor brought him to the Avengers.

After being subjected to a torrent of threats and insults from Earths Mightiest Heroes, Loki was finally allowed to explain that his intention during the Chitauri invasion had not been to enslave humanity but unity them under one banner and to arm them against the upcoming threat. Thanos’ influence had however caused Loki to be driven by his darker emotions and those had clouded his judgement and made him far more aggressive then he intended. To every ones surprise, Clint backed Loki up. Up until now, he would have been more then happy to turn Loki into a walking pin cushion. It was if the truth had unlocked some secret left behind by the Sceptre and now Clint could see clearly what Loki had been aiming for. After that, it was easy to convince the other Avengers to give Loki the chance to serve his sentence with them and hopefully earn his redemption. Both Fury and Odin were forced to back down and Loki was accepted as an Avenger.

 

Loki now looked at the people he called his friends. Once the fear and distain had faded, Loki had found qualities in each to admirer. Tony and his brother were men of action always ready to lead a charge. Brue was more gentle, the mirror image of his alter ego the Hulk. Clint was another that had almost another person inside. He always kept part of himself away from everyone, needing sometimes the security of his own company. Natasha was strong on the outside but had a vulnerable centre which she showed only to those she really trusted, Steve and Clint being one of those few. 

Then there was Steve himself. Loki let his gaze rest of the leader of the Avengers. He was stood a little way back from everyone, watching them just as Loki was. He was very much the Father figure in more then just age. His may not be on the same level as Tony or Bruce intellectually, but there was wisdom in him and a need to protect not just the helpless people of the Earth but also his team mates. Loki, afraid to be caught staring, shifted his eyes back to Natasha who was teasing Tony over Pepper’s large hints about marriage and children. He was so engrossed in the conversation, he missed Steve walking over to him.

“I shouldn’t be saying this, but nice job with Clint. Tony will never let him live it down” said Steve, still trying to keep the laugher out of his voice.

Loki started at the voice by his side. He turned and tried to relax in the presences of the Captain. “I must say it was challenge, but one enjoyed. It had become stale with Thor and his friends, they were so easy to fool.”

“Loki I know things have been hard, but you should know that everyone in the Tower is happy you are here. I don’t think we could have done some of those missions with out you.” Steve looked like he wanted to say something else but something stopped him. He did however put a hand on Loki’s arm.

Loki could feel the heat coming off Steve’s hand and it was making him feel warm. He decided the best course of action would be to retreat to his own room. It had been months since Loki felt the first stings of desire for the attractive blond and had tried his upmost to keep it in check. He could not allow this infatuation to interfere with his place with the Avengers. One wrong step and Odin would have a reason to drag him back to Asgard to face a fate worse then death, Loki was sure of that. So he said goodnight to the Captain and left the room.

 

Steve’s eyes followed Loki as he left and he kicked himself. Steve was finding it harder and harder to catch Loki alone these days, and the one chance he got, he talked about missions. The Trickster was all Steve could think about. Steve had always been intrigued by Loki, but now that he was living in the tower, it had developed into deeper feelings. Steve had never really bothered with relationships since the ice and Peggy had been the closest to one before. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t had relations but never anything serious. So wanting to get involved with a God from another world was a giant leap in the Rogers dating profile. Of course, there was no way of knowing for sure if Loki would return those feelings. He seemed to like Steve well enough but that did not mean there was something romantic in the future for them. Steve attention was drawn back to the living room where Tony was trying to bait Thor into a rematch from the Forest, Suit verses Hammer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the build up to a rape, there are no details to the act itself.

Loki’s room was on the same floor as Thor’s. When he first arrived, there were a host of conditions and restrictions which had to be met; including that Loki would never be alone out of his room. This was how he came to spend a lot of time with Steve. Thor had to travel often to Asgard as well as visiting Jane Forster, so Steve would chaperone Loki when required. Now of course he was allowed anywhere in the Tower, but he still found he preferred the company of others more then he use to. He however didn’t leave the Tower unless they had a mission. This was for his own protection as the Avengers were worried that Fury would try and come up with a reason to remove him. 

 

To make up for this, Steve and Tony had taken it upon themselves to provide Loki with the outside world in his room. Tony, with Bruce's help had provide an array of pot plants which they had engineered to required almost no maintenance and Steve had given him a collection of Art work, which he added to regularly, all showing different outdoor scenes. Thor also provided Loki with as much from his chambers on Asgard as possible, as well as gifts from Frigga, who still loved Loki like a son. All this meant Loki could make his rooms very comfortable.

 

Loki decided that he needed to unwind from the incident with Steve. He had taken an interest in Earth Classical music and was slowly working his way through all the greats. His current selection was Holst’s Planets and he put on his favourite, Mars. He turned the music up high and headed into the bedroom. 

 

He just past the threshold, when he was pushed hard from behind. Loki fell forward on to a chair, winding himself in the process. He took a moment to recover, which was his big mistake. The music drowned out the words but Loki could feel the magic burning the air around him. He tried to stand but found his body would not respond. He felt himself lifted and dumped on the bed. The music stopped and a voice sent a chill down Loki spine.

 

“If it isn’t the creature Thanos trusted with the greatest of powers. First you failed to obtain the Tesseract, then you conspire with his enemies to stop his great purpose. You will suffer as he promised and I am his hand.” The voice was hard and made Loki feel as if he was being stabbed with a thousand needles. He tried to get some part of his body moving, but he was sure he was held in a stasis spell and it needed to time to break it. 

 

Loki's captor had other plans. He flipped Loki on to his back and he saw is face for the first time. It was Steve. Loki eyes grew wide. His mind was thinking everything as one "No, Steve would do this to me, there had to something else. There was no way I could have got him wrong. Is there?" 

Steve grinned at him, the blue eyes burning. “Don’t you like what you see? I have watched you for sometime and this is a face you seem to be very fond of. Let us see how much you like it.”

Suddenly, Loki's logic caught up with his panic. The face was Steve’s, but the voice was defiantly someone else and Steve did not know magic. He was also dressed in dark battle armour similar to the Other. None of this helped Loki right now however. 

The Fake Steve flipped Loki back onto his front and removed Loki’s jeans and boxers. Fear filled Loki when it dawned on him exactly what was going to happen. He tried every counter spell he knew but fake Steve’s magic was more powerful then any he had encountered before. Fake Steve lowered his head to whisper in his ear. “This is a tease of what is to come. Soon we shall be away and then you will know true pain.”

 

With that, fake Steve pulled Loki’s legs apart. In his head, Loki was screaming.

 

 

Steve had taken a seat next to Natasha while Thor and Tony had moved away from sparing and were now onto trying to get everyone involved in Strip poker. Clint had rejoined them and seemed taken with the idea, his eyes flicking towards Natasha hopefully. Jarvis interrupted the fun and games

 

“Sir, there is an intruder within the Tower. He seems to have appeared from no where in Loki’s room.” JARVIS voice floated around the room. Steve and Thor were up together and running to Loki’s room, the rest following close behind. Once on the right floor Thor summoned Mjölnir, which smashed through his door. JARVIS already had the door of Loki’s room open when they got there. They were horrified by the site that was before them. Loki was lying face down and very still on the bed, naked from the waist down and had his eyes tight shut, with tears streaming down his face. The intruder had his back to them, having just pulled himself out of Loki and was chuckling, content with his work. Thor lunged at the intruder, while Steve ran to Loki’s side, pulling a blanket over him. He couldn’t understand why Loki wasn’t moving. Thor had the intruder pinned and brought the Hammer down hard, knocking his opponent unconscious.

 

Without fake Steve to maintain the spell, Loki found feeling returning to his limbs and rolled over, opening his eyes. He caught sight of Steve and screeched, crawling away and cowering from him. Loki was in bad shape. There was blood staining the sheets and Steve felt sick. Steve tried to reach out but Loki screamed again. The poor Captain had no idea what he had done. Bruce finally arrived with his bag and went straight to Loki’s side and tried to calm him down. 

 

“Steve, you need to see this.” Tony called over to him. Steve turned and saw the other Avengers crowding round the body on the floor. Steve pushed in front to see what was so important. He looked into his own face and understood what Loki was so afraid of. This was the final straw. He fled the room in search of the nearest toilet to vomit in.

 

The Avengers did what they did best. They closed ranks around Loki. Fury had arrived with a group of agents to remove the prisoner as Tony refused to keep the thing in his home. The image of Steve had faded replaced by a creature similar to he Chitauri but that didn’t make it any better. Fury was less then helpful, hinting that Loki had deserved what happened to him. Thor was enraged and threatened him with Mjölnir so Fury made a quick retreat. This drove the existing wedge between the Avengers and SHIELD even bigger then it was before and when they told Steve what was said, he refused to go on anymore missions requested by the Director.

 

The prisoner died in custody a few days later. No one in the Tower really cared, but privately Bruce was worried what SHIELD may have learnt from the creature both when he was alive and now he was dead. 

 

Loki had been moved to the medical bay, where Bruce continued to try and treat him. Steve had kept his distance, watching instead from the security room. The cameras in there were normally kept off, but no one was argued when Steve insisted they been kept on and monitored all the time. Someone had slipped past them and hurt Loki once, they wouldn't get a second chance. Clint came in after awhile to check on his leader. 

 

“How is he?” asked Steve, not looking away from the monitor.

 

“Not good. Bruce has given him as much sedative as he dare to try and get him to rest. He has done what he can to treat the internal injuries. He thinks Loki should recover physically in the next day or two, you know how fast he heals. Mentally, Bruce can’t even begin to guess.” Clint answered, feeling for Steve. No matter how much they believed they had hidden their feelings, all the Avengers could see the attraction between Loki and Steve. It seems the only ones they really fooled was themselves. What had happened could have destroyed any hope the couple may have had.

 

All of them were in shock. The Avengers looked at themselves as a bit of a family and for Loki to have violated in such a way, inside their home as well, was making them all sick to their stomachs. If anything could make it worse, Bruce had been unable to find out if Loki knew it wasn’t really Steve.

 

“I’ll be leaving for a while. Tony has offered to put me up in a hotel until we can sort out an apartment. Loki is going to be hurting from this for a long time and the last thing he needs is to worry about seeing my face every time he goes somewhere in the Tower.” Steve said, turning to Clint. “Look after him. After Thor, you seem to be the one he trusts the most here.”

 

"Until now, that was you." Clint said to himself. Out loud he said “Are you sure that for the best, Cap? Even if he doesn’t know right now it wasn't you, Loki won’t blame you for what happened when he does; it’s not your fault.”

 

“It doesn’t matter. I’m the reminder right now and I just can't do that to him.” Steve dropped his head and sighed. “Clint, you tell Loki and I will hurt you. I like him, I mean really like and the idea that someone used me to hurt him like that is killing me. I want to be there for him but I can’t if seeing me is going to drag him back down again.”

 

Clint said nothing but nodded. He had seen the effects of rape on SHIELD agents who had been captured in the field. It was months, sometimes years of recovery, flashbacks haunting them the whole time. Steve may have had a point but Clint would put money on Loki preferring him to be around rather that living else where. Only time would tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this was ok. I know people will have tried to guess what I meant by the summary, but I wanted a bit of a twist in story.
> 
> Please feedback as always is welcome


	3. Chapter 3

The sedatives Bruce gave Loki finally wore off after 3 days. Even thought Loki had been given as massive dose, this had surprised Bruce. Up until now, the Doctor had always found it hard to keep either him or Thor or Steve for that matter, under for very long. Even when he did wake up, he merely rolled it to a ball and hid away from everyone. It was as if he had no fight in him. When he slept again it was fitful and he was always whimpering. Loki never cried out however and he was always very still. Bruce refused to push him to talk to them, knowing that Loki had to be ready to talk. Bruce did however make sure at least one of them was with him all the time, just to be safe.

 

Steve was adamant that him seeing Loki would be a mistake and was staying at a local Hotel. Thor took this completely the wrong way and had raged at the Captain, feeling that Steve had abandoned Loki. He continued until Tony dragged him away and explained that Steve was trying to avoid causing Loki to have flashbacks and suffer more. Thor still didn’t understand but for now accepted that Steve was trying to help by staying away. 

 

Slowly Loki began to show signs of coming back to the world. It took a week before Loki would eat anything (Bruce had him on an IV for fluids as Thor assured him a Jotun could survive for weeks on small amounts of water.) and another fortnight before he said anything. The first thing he did was ask for Steve.

 

Steve was reluctant but could not refuse if he was asked for. He stood at the door of the Medical bay for nearly 20mins before he built up the courage to enter. Natasha had been sitting with Loki, but on seeing Steve, gathered her things and made a quick and quite exist. Loki lifted his head and when he saw Steve, he started and his heart began to race. Steve, seeing that him being there was setting off a panic attack, left.

 

It took Steve a week of being hounded by Thor before he would risk trying to see Loki again. Again, when he saw Steve, Loki began to panic. Steve turned to leave again, but was stopped.

 

“Please, stay.” Loki managed, his voice was thin and soft and Steve’s heart broke a little. Steve watched as Loki took deep breaths, trying to remember everything Bruce had told him to calm himself. After he was sure that Loki had it under control, Steve walked slowly to the bed. Despite all his efforts, Loki edged away slightly. Steve noticed and stopped 5 feet from the bed.

 

“Loki, I can’t stay. This, me, I’m making you really uncomfortable and I’m really, really sorry. I’m here for you but for now, you need me as far away as possible.” Steve’s voice was shaking a little.

 

Loki nodded slowly. “I just wanted you to know that I knew it wasn’t you. He made it perfectly clear who he was and that he was using your face to punish me more.”

 

“It was to do with Thanos, right.” Steve asked

 

“Yes, he had intended to remove me and make me suffer worse, but I think he was impatient to get started. We are lucky, you would never have found me.” Loki stared at Steve for as long as he could before he had to look away. “Steve, please do not blame yourself. I will recover.”

 

“I know. When you are up to it, I would like to sit down to talk. I’ve been doing some thinking. There was a reason he used my face and not Thor’s or someone like that and I think I know why. If I’m wrong, say so and I’ll never bring it up again." Steve came closer until him was within reach of Loki.

"It’s just I think you may have feelings and I know I have feelings, I have for a long time and I will do what ever it takes to make you feel safe around me again.” said Steve quickly. He was sure he had made a complete mess of what he was trying to say, but he was also sure Loki understood. 

 

“You are not wrong” was all Loki could mange. Loki tried to reach out to touch Steve but could not bring himself to. 

Loki broke down in to tears and it took all of Steve’s self control not to wrap his arms around him. Thor came in to the room then. He nodded and smiled at Steve, having heard the whole conversation through the security camera. He took his brother in his arms and held him tight. Loki struggled for a moment then pulled Thor closer. Steve knew that he had put Loki through enough, maybe more then he should have and after resting a hand on Thor’s shoulder, retreated from the room. This would be a long road but there was hope.

 

Loki returned to his rooms and burnt everything in there. Thor had already taken the precaution of removing his most prized books and treasures including Steve’s art work and would return them when Loki was in a better frame of mind. Despite Bruce’s many efforts to get him to see a councillor, Loki refused, speaking of his ordeal only to Bruce or Steve. He hated being along now and had taken to sleeping in Thor’s room or Clint’s when Thor was away. Steve had been right about Clint. Having been inside the other man’s mind meant that Loki could trust Clint to see him at his lowest. 

 

Steve and Loki talked often over then phone. Loki found Steve voice very calming and would rely on that after the panic attacks and nightmares. Steve was always available, especially as he was not going on missions for SHIELD. Tony had JARVIS updating them on current situations with known Super Villains and the Avengers were working independently now.

 

4 months on, Steve was still living in an apartment Tony owned 2 blocks away, but was only really using it to sleep in. The rest of the time he was at the Tower. What had started as quick visits got longer and longer as slowly Loki became relaxed more about having Steve around again. Steve always made sure that JARVIS kept Loki informed of where he was, he still wanted Loki to be able to avoid him if he needed to. 

It was not easy. Loki’s panic attacks were getting more manageable but Steve would still only have to look a certain way and Loki would have a meltdown. Ironically, Steve was still the best at bringing him back down. Loki needed to be reassured that Steve was real, that he was safe and Steve was really the only one who could do that.

 

The couple had begun a very simple relationship. Physically, it had not progressed beyond hand holding and light kisses. Steve was more then happy if it never went any further then that. Emotionally, Loki found Steve’s presence a comfort and was trying to persuade him to say with him at night. He wanted Steve there when the nightmares plagued his sleep. Steve wasn’t so sure that it would help. He didn’t want Loki to have an attack by waking up next to Steve.

 

After 6 months, Steve agreed to compromise. He moved back into the tower, so that he could be on hand if he was needed at night, but he still refused to sleep in Loki’s room or vice versa. Loki’s panic attacks had reduced in frequency and Bruce had finally got Loki to speak to a specialist. Loki would never admit it, but he did find the sessions helpful. He began to feel like he was ready to push through some of the barriers that both he and Steve had created. 

 

So 8 months after the attack, Loki slipped into Steve room when he was sure the Captain had gone to bed. Steve was already asleep and Loki watched, for a little while, the face that finally did not make him want to run and hide. Instead it made him feel loved. Loki was still uncertain if he would ever be able to let Steve take him, but he was ready to see how far they could go, a little at a time. Ready to try the first step, Loki slipped into the bed, curling up next to the man he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of stories where the main character is attacked and then forgives the aggressor almost days later and they all live happily ever after. Even though Steve didn't attack Loki, Loki is living with the after effects as if he did. Even though they are slowly coming together even at the end, they are still a long way to go.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback always welcome


End file.
